When you discover the importance of you, the responsibility of that changes all your relationships.
It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I woke up and discovered the importance of me and the responsibility that comes with it. I know we live in a world that wants us to see beyond ourselves and think of others. So the idea of self importance sounds like I am asking you to go in the opposite direction, even conceded, and self centered. But discovering the importance of you is exactly what is needed.
I was 40 when I discovered the importance of me and the responsibility of that. Before that I blindly bullied my way through life not really caring about the impact my words or actions had on others, even those I liked and cared about. Just because I didn't care about what they were doing didn't mean they didn't care about me and what I was doing.
I met a very young girl about the age of 18 that changed my perspective on how I interacted with others. She lived above me in a tri-plex apartment building and she was about to become a new mom sooner then she wanted to and she needed guidance and help in every aspect of her life. She was young, open and had trusting heart, eager to learn and get on with life, the perfect protege. Her mentor: an educated, experienced, self absorbed 40 year old who couldn't see the wonderful person that just walked into her life or how much this young female would teach her.
Yes that was me, the self absorbed 40 year old who thought no one was as important as me and my little family. After all if I couldn't give a rats ass about anything anyone else did, why should they care what I did, said or how I reacted to them. If you didn't like how I looked or what I was doing that was just fine with me because, I didn't give a shit about you so, what you think doesn't count right? I am not a victim of peer pressure. That mind set left me blind to so many wonderful people and experiences.
When ever I interacted with this young female, as with everyone else, it was more like yes, state your business and then be off because I am to busy to be bothered with you. I would help her with what ever she needed. I gave her advise and guidance and even a home when I moved to Maine so she would never have to worry about a place to live for her two little girls ever again. You would think that we would have had a very close relationship wouldn't you? But, even after years she was still calling me and as fast as she could she would say,
"Linda, just one quick question. I am so sorry to bother you."
She was looking for help and advise on very important things in her life like very important doctor visits for her mother or children. Things like filling out college applications for grants to better her life. She was looking to me to share my experiences and education with her and I was giving her office hours that could only be breached in emergencies.
Six years had past and another young single mom had entered my life and she too lived in an apartment above me with her mother, two brothers and two small children. Not one of them had a drivers licence and all of them had to live a limited life because of that. They could only work and shop at places they could walk to. This ignorance enraged me and I spent a year teaching her how to drive and used our Christmas bonus to buy her a car. Then it was off to fill out forms for grants to go to college. You could say I was deeply involved with this families life yet, when they would come down to my apartment I made them stand at the door and quickly state their business and be off.
"Linda, mom made you some fudge because you are so kind to all of us."
I would answer, "I am not kind or sweet. It was not enjoyable going out and scraping off the ice and snow and warming up the car every day for a year to take your son to school and teach you to drive. It was just something that needed to be done and that's all. I am not sweet or kind just responsible."
Then about a year later that young woman came to my door with her new husband to thank me for something and I let them in just enough so I could close the door and keep the cold out. As they stood there squatting on the small rug in front of my door, sweetly thanking me from the bottom of their hearts, it hit me and shame filled my soul.
These people, these wonderful people have entered my life with gifts of love, respect and open hearts and I am making them squat on my front door rug like they are not even worthy of been invited into my home. The shame I felt as I looked upon their grateful faces tore my heart out. How awful of me to be so disrespectful to them by making them squat on my rug to thank me. How horrible am I that I only throw them scraps. How arrogant I was to think that just because they are not important to me, that what they were feeling for me should be treated with such disrespectful disregard. The shame I felt was overwhelming and I quickly asked them to sit at my table and offered them my complete attention with a gracious heart and rum and cokes.
As I sat there listening to them prattle on and on about how much I have changed their life's, I was filled with the most important feelings I have ever felt, graciousness from them for respecting what they where feeling for me and not just brushing them off. What they were feeling was important to them and it called for respect from me. What they where feeling for me was a gift to me that I was throwing back in their faces by making them squat on my rug.
It was a humbling experience to find out that I had been the most arrogant, self center, ungracious person I have ever known for over 40 years of my life because, I wasn't seeing the importance of me in others life's and treating them with respect. Just because you think someone is not important to you doesn't mean that you are not to them. When you recognise your importance to others it will humble you. You will see your children, family members, friends and even acquaintances in a new light. Remember each and everyone of us is a gift to share with the world and, it is through our talents we give it. (Bustin' Out of the Crowd)
Now when I go to a family function or I am approached by an old school chum and they are so excited to see me, I am just as excited to see them because if you are that important to them, they should be to you, and their feelings call for respect. No one squats on my rug for just one quick question any more. (Actions Cause Situations)
Leave no one emotionally indebted to you, for to do so, is the most shameful thing you can do.
P.S. These very same people who entered my life way back when years ago are now very important to me and without them I would have never moved on and wrote my book. Karma with lessons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU
I wish you all well. Coollynn/Linda Pitt Author of "What a Beautiful Story"
It wasn't until I was in my 40's that I woke up and discovered the importance of me and the responsibility that comes with it. I know we live in a world that wants us to see beyond ourselves and think of others. So the idea of self importance sounds like I am asking you to go in the opposite direction, even conceded, and self centered. But discovering the importance of you is exactly what is needed.
I was 40 when I discovered the importance of me and the responsibility of that. Before that I blindly bullied my way through life not really caring about the impact my words or actions had on others, even those I liked and cared about. Just because I didn't care about what they were doing didn't mean they didn't care about me and what I was doing.
I met a very young girl about the age of 18 that changed my perspective on how I interacted with others. She lived above me in a tri-plex apartment building and she was about to become a new mom sooner then she wanted to and she needed guidance and help in every aspect of her life. She was young, open and had trusting heart, eager to learn and get on with life, the perfect protege. Her mentor: an educated, experienced, self absorbed 40 year old who couldn't see the wonderful person that just walked into her life or how much this young female would teach her.
Yes that was me, the self absorbed 40 year old who thought no one was as important as me and my little family. After all if I couldn't give a rats ass about anything anyone else did, why should they care what I did, said or how I reacted to them. If you didn't like how I looked or what I was doing that was just fine with me because, I didn't give a shit about you so, what you think doesn't count right? I am not a victim of peer pressure. That mind set left me blind to so many wonderful people and experiences.
When ever I interacted with this young female, as with everyone else, it was more like yes, state your business and then be off because I am to busy to be bothered with you. I would help her with what ever she needed. I gave her advise and guidance and even a home when I moved to Maine so she would never have to worry about a place to live for her two little girls ever again. You would think that we would have had a very close relationship wouldn't you? But, even after years she was still calling me and as fast as she could she would say,
"Linda, just one quick question. I am so sorry to bother you."
She was looking for help and advise on very important things in her life like very important doctor visits for her mother or children. Things like filling out college applications for grants to better her life. She was looking to me to share my experiences and education with her and I was giving her office hours that could only be breached in emergencies.
Six years had past and another young single mom had entered my life and she too lived in an apartment above me with her mother, two brothers and two small children. Not one of them had a drivers licence and all of them had to live a limited life because of that. They could only work and shop at places they could walk to. This ignorance enraged me and I spent a year teaching her how to drive and used our Christmas bonus to buy her a car. Then it was off to fill out forms for grants to go to college. You could say I was deeply involved with this families life yet, when they would come down to my apartment I made them stand at the door and quickly state their business and be off.
"Linda, mom made you some fudge because you are so kind to all of us."
I would answer, "I am not kind or sweet. It was not enjoyable going out and scraping off the ice and snow and warming up the car every day for a year to take your son to school and teach you to drive. It was just something that needed to be done and that's all. I am not sweet or kind just responsible."
Then about a year later that young woman came to my door with her new husband to thank me for something and I let them in just enough so I could close the door and keep the cold out. As they stood there squatting on the small rug in front of my door, sweetly thanking me from the bottom of their hearts, it hit me and shame filled my soul.
These people, these wonderful people have entered my life with gifts of love, respect and open hearts and I am making them squat on my front door rug like they are not even worthy of been invited into my home. The shame I felt as I looked upon their grateful faces tore my heart out. How awful of me to be so disrespectful to them by making them squat on my rug to thank me. How horrible am I that I only throw them scraps. How arrogant I was to think that just because they are not important to me, that what they were feeling for me should be treated with such disrespectful disregard. The shame I felt was overwhelming and I quickly asked them to sit at my table and offered them my complete attention with a gracious heart and rum and cokes.
As I sat there listening to them prattle on and on about how much I have changed their life's, I was filled with the most important feelings I have ever felt, graciousness from them for respecting what they where feeling for me and not just brushing them off. What they were feeling was important to them and it called for respect from me. What they where feeling for me was a gift to me that I was throwing back in their faces by making them squat on my rug.
It was a humbling experience to find out that I had been the most arrogant, self center, ungracious person I have ever known for over 40 years of my life because, I wasn't seeing the importance of me in others life's and treating them with respect. Just because you think someone is not important to you doesn't mean that you are not to them. When you recognise your importance to others it will humble you. You will see your children, family members, friends and even acquaintances in a new light. Remember each and everyone of us is a gift to share with the world and, it is through our talents we give it. (Bustin' Out of the Crowd)
Now when I go to a family function or I am approached by an old school chum and they are so excited to see me, I am just as excited to see them because if you are that important to them, they should be to you, and their feelings call for respect. No one squats on my rug for just one quick question any more. (Actions Cause Situations)
Leave no one emotionally indebted to you, for to do so, is the most shameful thing you can do.
P.S. These very same people who entered my life way back when years ago are now very important to me and without them I would have never moved on and wrote my book. Karma with lessons.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU
I wish you all well. Coollynn/Linda Pitt Author of "What a Beautiful Story"
No comments:
Post a Comment