The action: pretending to love someone, causes more unwanted situations then you could have imagined.
I was unable to be with my love, my soul mate. I was 16 when I sent him away with a promise to return to him after he had finished college. I felt that we, ( him, our daughter and I) would have a better chance in life if we went our separate ways and finished growing up. So, with deep pain and sacrifice I sent him away and promised to return to him with our daughter when she was ready to meet him. He promised me that she would bring me back to him.
Thirteen years had pasted. I spent it in Hell living with a man I didn't love being beaten. He spent his in a drunken state of hibernation. I held onto that promise of being in his arms again for 13 years in the most horrible conditions only to have him die three days before I was to be in his arms again. He died alone waiting for my return.
I was left alone here on Earth with nothing but pain and loss that was beyond baring. My soul screamed for his and coping without the hope of him, in anyway, was all I was left with. I had gambled on the straight of our love and that it would always be there untouched by time and I was right, it was there and it was untouchable by time. He did love me and held onto the promise I would return. What we didn't know was that we could be blindsided by death.
I spent my time away from him, before and after his death, in many failed relationships because I was only pretending to love those I was with. My heart has only loved one man completely. My heart only knew one kind of love and was ignorant to any other. Unable to love anyone like I loved him and not knowing of any other way to love, I could only pretend to love those I was with in his absence.
I have learned that even if you don't openly admit it to yourself that you are pretending to love someone, that action of pretending, will cause many unwanted situations for both of you to deal with. I know I have lived through many unwanted situations ranging from simple annoying to horrible because I was trying to convince my heart that I loved someone other than him.
See, what I learned was that when your pretending to love someone they will find out. Even if your the perfect wife they will find out. It's like they can smell it on you like your favorite daily hand lotion. Even if you are unaware that your pretending they sense it and that causes them to act on those uneasy feeling they have and the situations those actions cause chew away at the relationship bit by bit.
Ever wonder why he hasn't asked you to marry him after years yet he won't let go of you? Ever wonder why he is so distrusting of you? Ever wonder why he only wants to keep you all to himself and never go out to public events and when you are out and about he is uneasy about it? How about his friends? Can they come and go from your house or only a few are ever invited over and only when he is there? Yeah, I have been there.
My pretending has caused so many horrible situations ranging from beatings to being a shut in, to a seven year relationship that never came into any kind of a bonding. Even 10 years or so, after my loves death I was still failing in every attempt I tried to have at a relationship with anyone. It didn't matter how hard I tried to be the best cook, house wife, playmate or sexual partner it never worked out. Everyone ended in pain and deep failure.
I couldn't understand why I couldn't have that kind of love again. No relationship ever came close to moving me like he did. Even though I never spoke about him or the feelings I had for him, they all knew. They could feel that my heart was not there in the relationship with them. Even though the words where not spoken by either one of us, we knew I was pretending. It was like a constant breath on the back of your neck warning you of danger. It wasn't until I wrote "What a Beautiful Story" that I could see why everyone of them failed. These unconscious uneasy feelings were acted upon by those I was involved with and caused a wide range of situations we didn't want to be in or deal with. I was baffled to why no one could love me or I them. Why did the failures keep happening? I lived a miserible life until I accepted my loss and made peace with my heart. I had to stop pretending. Forcing my heart to lie to itself was not only harming those who tried to love me but, myself as well.
Well, maybe it could be that you are pretending to be in love with someone and they sense it or you're sensing they're pretending.
Actions cause Situations. Look to see if this may be at the root of your relationship troubles. It surely was at the heart of mine until at the age of forty, I faced the fact that I would never feel that kind of love again and stopped unconsciously resenting anyone for not being him. I have learned that there are other kinds of love worth investing myself in like that of a friend and a love out of respect. Marry a friend, someone you like doing things with because some times meeting your soul mate can be devastating to the rest of your life and cause pain to others. You can't pretend to love someone for any reason they will find out one way or another. It's like living a lie that can only hurt everyone including you.
I think about you still everyday http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaV-6qerkqI&feature=share
Living imperfectly perfect because perfection is not living life at all. ( parts of this blog were taken from "Imperfectly Perfect" being written by: Linda Pitt, chapter dealing with Actions Cause Situations , This is a perfect example of your own actions causing situations and how you now can begin to manipulate future situations in your life when you learn to work this basic life principal.
I wish you all well, Coollynn :) Next Others.....
I was unable to be with my love, my soul mate. I was 16 when I sent him away with a promise to return to him after he had finished college. I felt that we, ( him, our daughter and I) would have a better chance in life if we went our separate ways and finished growing up. So, with deep pain and sacrifice I sent him away and promised to return to him with our daughter when she was ready to meet him. He promised me that she would bring me back to him.
Thirteen years had pasted. I spent it in Hell living with a man I didn't love being beaten. He spent his in a drunken state of hibernation. I held onto that promise of being in his arms again for 13 years in the most horrible conditions only to have him die three days before I was to be in his arms again. He died alone waiting for my return.
I was left alone here on Earth with nothing but pain and loss that was beyond baring. My soul screamed for his and coping without the hope of him, in anyway, was all I was left with. I had gambled on the straight of our love and that it would always be there untouched by time and I was right, it was there and it was untouchable by time. He did love me and held onto the promise I would return. What we didn't know was that we could be blindsided by death.
I spent my time away from him, before and after his death, in many failed relationships because I was only pretending to love those I was with. My heart has only loved one man completely. My heart only knew one kind of love and was ignorant to any other. Unable to love anyone like I loved him and not knowing of any other way to love, I could only pretend to love those I was with in his absence.
I have learned that even if you don't openly admit it to yourself that you are pretending to love someone, that action of pretending, will cause many unwanted situations for both of you to deal with. I know I have lived through many unwanted situations ranging from simple annoying to horrible because I was trying to convince my heart that I loved someone other than him.
See, what I learned was that when your pretending to love someone they will find out. Even if your the perfect wife they will find out. It's like they can smell it on you like your favorite daily hand lotion. Even if you are unaware that your pretending they sense it and that causes them to act on those uneasy feeling they have and the situations those actions cause chew away at the relationship bit by bit.
Ever wonder why he hasn't asked you to marry him after years yet he won't let go of you? Ever wonder why he is so distrusting of you? Ever wonder why he only wants to keep you all to himself and never go out to public events and when you are out and about he is uneasy about it? How about his friends? Can they come and go from your house or only a few are ever invited over and only when he is there? Yeah, I have been there.
My pretending has caused so many horrible situations ranging from beatings to being a shut in, to a seven year relationship that never came into any kind of a bonding. Even 10 years or so, after my loves death I was still failing in every attempt I tried to have at a relationship with anyone. It didn't matter how hard I tried to be the best cook, house wife, playmate or sexual partner it never worked out. Everyone ended in pain and deep failure.
I couldn't understand why I couldn't have that kind of love again. No relationship ever came close to moving me like he did. Even though I never spoke about him or the feelings I had for him, they all knew. They could feel that my heart was not there in the relationship with them. Even though the words where not spoken by either one of us, we knew I was pretending. It was like a constant breath on the back of your neck warning you of danger. It wasn't until I wrote "What a Beautiful Story" that I could see why everyone of them failed. These unconscious uneasy feelings were acted upon by those I was involved with and caused a wide range of situations we didn't want to be in or deal with. I was baffled to why no one could love me or I them. Why did the failures keep happening? I lived a miserible life until I accepted my loss and made peace with my heart. I had to stop pretending. Forcing my heart to lie to itself was not only harming those who tried to love me but, myself as well.
Well, maybe it could be that you are pretending to be in love with someone and they sense it or you're sensing they're pretending.
Actions cause Situations. Look to see if this may be at the root of your relationship troubles. It surely was at the heart of mine until at the age of forty, I faced the fact that I would never feel that kind of love again and stopped unconsciously resenting anyone for not being him. I have learned that there are other kinds of love worth investing myself in like that of a friend and a love out of respect. Marry a friend, someone you like doing things with because some times meeting your soul mate can be devastating to the rest of your life and cause pain to others. You can't pretend to love someone for any reason they will find out one way or another. It's like living a lie that can only hurt everyone including you.
I think about you still everyday http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaV-6qerkqI&feature=share
Living imperfectly perfect because perfection is not living life at all. ( parts of this blog were taken from "Imperfectly Perfect" being written by: Linda Pitt, chapter dealing with Actions Cause Situations , This is a perfect example of your own actions causing situations and how you now can begin to manipulate future situations in your life when you learn to work this basic life principal.
I wish you all well, Coollynn :) Next Others.....
So true Linda, the loss is so profound and nobody can replace that love!! I am so touched by many many things in your book! The loss of that soulmate is most profound to me!! Trust me there are other things that were deeply buried within me! Those past memories are consuming me now!!! It has completely rocked my very foundation of life!!! Oh honey, if you would like to write my story, I would be honored!! Probably another future best seller!! Lol. Love you and respect you so much!!
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